Guy good friends improve our lives in means our female BFFs simply cannot. Here, ways to include even more testosterone to your social circle
In my teens and twenties, my relationships were gender blind: More than half of individuals I invited to my 24th birthday celebration bash were platonic male buddies. Nine years later on, when planning my wedding celebration, I was stunned to recognize I contributed just one male friend to our guest checklist. It got me wondering: Why had the majority of my guy buddies vanished from my life?
The fact is, all friendships are hard to preserve as soon as you are partnered up. According to scientists at the University of Oxford, the typical person winds up losing at the very least two close chums when they settle into a relationship. The factors are typically pretty uncomplicated: Your brand-new romance actions you to one more state, your mate gobbles a bunch of your leisure, you fall under a various life phase as well as no more have as much in common with your old buds. Guy pals, it dawned on me, are also trickier to hold on to.
Research study is limited as to specifically why girl-guy relationships tend to bite the dust, yet experts claim it normally has something to do with a mate-- either your own or his. "Jealousy from a charming partner is among the key costs of having a close friend of the other sex," clarifies April Bleske-Rechek, Ph.D., an associate teacher of psychology at the University of Wisconsin at Eau Claire.
The Case for Male Bonding
Despite the obstacles, experts agree there are specific boons that only male friendships can bring to your life. Getting a male point of view tops the list. "Gaining an insider's perspective on how men think, feel, and behave is one of the advantages of an adult female-male friendship," says Michael Monsour, Ph.D., author of Women and Men as Friends. You and your girlfriends could speculate for hours as to why men do the things that vex you—or you could just ask a guy pal, who will break it down for you in 10 words or fewer, without all the stress. This intel can give you the upper hand in dealings with not only a boyfriend or a brother but also a male boss.
Time spent with a dude is also usually free of the judgments women sometimes pass on each other—and that can be liberating. "With their male friends, women can let it all hang out," says Heidi Reeder, Ph.D., an associate professor of communication at Boise State University. There's less dress-to-impress, less calorie counting, less competition in general.
"Women are natural rivals, often competing for the same things in life," says Lynn Margolies, Ph.D., a psychologist in Newton, Massachusetts.
"Men are seen by their female friends as being on a different playing field, with different measures of success." Example: Your best guy friend is unlikely to feel twinges of jealousy when you tell him you're pregnant.
And when it comes to maintenance, guy friends are more Chia Pet than English rose garden. "People would tell me their female friends would be upset if they didn't call them for a week or show up at a party, but that their male friends require less attention," says Reeder. A drama-free relationship that's low on expectations and high on fun? What's not to love?
The More, the Merrier
If you're looking to expand your circle of male friends, here's some positive news: Thanks to loosened gender roles and far more equality in the workplace, men are easier to buddy up to than ever.
"We've increased the coed reality of our lives," explains Reeder. Men and women, of course, have gone to the gym together and lived together as roommates for years and years. But these days, guys are even more likely to pop up in your cooking class or book club, and it's not unusual for a chick to show up at a poker night or join a fantasy football league. These common interests and shared experiences lay the groundwork for new platonic friendships.
To make it clear you want to hang out and not hook up, communicate your intentions with words and actions. Asking a potential guy friend to grab dinner, for example, sends a very different message than suggesting he join you on an afternoon run. "My best friend of 25 years is a woman, and for the first few years of our friendship we didn't hug each other, let alone sit in a dark movie theater, just the two of us," says Don O'Meara, Ph.D., a professor of sociology at the University of Cincinnati's Raymond Walters College.
"Relationships gain identity from how outsiders define them, so it's equally crucial to confirm to everyone else that you're just friends."
